Song of the Day: Try by Pink. Not only is the song awesome, but the video is a brilliant ballet/play-fight/making-up montage.
If you're human, then you are probably in some form of relationship. Familial, friendship, partnership, marriage, etc., you know the spiel. You also probably think relationships of all kinds are hard. Which is another reason Try is my song of the day: because of lyrical content. I think it says what I think of relationships quite well.
Where there is desire, there is going to be a flame;
where there is a flame, someone's bound to get burned.
But just because it burns doesn't mean you're going to die.
You've got to get up and try, try, try.
Now obviously the context here is passionate relationships, and my focus today is the same, as they seem to be the type that everyone gets frustrated with, and therefore writes about. The general idea can be applied to all relationships, though. And that idea is: why do we find relationships so hard to maintain?
To narrow it down a bit, let's think of marriage and divorce in the US. The rate, which I checked today, is over 50%. That is WAY too high. How many are because of "irreconcilable differences"? Things like, "I don't know who s/he is anymore," or "We don't agree on [insert topic]," or S/he doesn't understand me," or even "I was young and stupid." How many of those marriages could be salvaged, and how? Or, how many could have been prevented in the first place, and how?
Granted, there are a multitude of reasons to end a marriage. I think there are good reasons and not-so-good reasons. Good reasons: abuse adultery (especially early in the relationship), so forth. Not-so-good reasons: any variation of those above. In a not-legally-binding relationship, there's definitely more slack. That doesn't mean there's a lack of not-so-good reasons.
But you all know all this. My point today was to take it further. As in, I don't think divorce should even pop into our heads at the first signs of discord. As in, I think most marriage issues can be solved by communication, resilience, and the realization and forgiveness that your partner is not perfect. As in, I believe if your love is strong enough and contains the above attributes, a couple can move past a giant trust issue like infidelity.
Say whaaaat?! Yes, I said it.
I realize I just made myself sound nuts, and I'll be the first to concede that it would be really difficult. Cheating is the ultimate trust-buster in relationships, and in most cases means immediate dissolution. The trick is the willingness of both to work it out, and the forgiveness ability of the wronged person. It would be hard for me, I know, and I consider myself to be a very forgiving person.
Moving on, something good to do at the very start of the relationship would be to state your position. Before we began dating, my husband told me that he dated to marry, and that he didn't believe in having divorce as an option in a marriage. (And of course, my heart melted, but that's not the point of the story.) It makes sense to me to lat it on the line at the very beginning. That way, if the object of your attention feels otherwise, then you have their viewpoint before you invest your time and affection into a relationship that may not work.
A marriage is about not only having physical things in common with each other (friends, hobbies, mutual attraction, etc.), but having personality traits in common, too, as in communication, resilience, and forgiveness. It's about putting the other person before yourself, and working together so that the sum of your parts is more than they would be separately. The whole 2+2=5 thing. You know what I mean.
I'm not saying you're never going to frustrate each other. I'm not saying you're never going to argue (it actually means you're not communicating if you don't argue occasionally). I'm saying if you have the right person, the relationship you have is going to make up for that and more. And it's probably worth it to try to salvage it if it's floundering.
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never. -Jack Benny
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